Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he thought i was a dude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
