I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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