There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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