good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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