kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize