so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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