It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
