Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize