apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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