I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
