Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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