I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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