i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
