Having a random hookup so left but love u
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize