Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
