Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm having to shit out rocks
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
