dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
