when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize