Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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