so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
