my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
