You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
