Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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