I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
