Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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