His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
