I met the friendliest cop last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
