Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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