I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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