My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
