I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize