Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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