I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
