"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
