am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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