It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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