mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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