i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
