Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
