He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
