Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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