We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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