just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize