The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
