Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
