I got chris browned last night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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