it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
