So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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