mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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