best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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