There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
