mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
