90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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