My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
