We won't sleep together?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
