You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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