How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My cat gives me a boner
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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