I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
