mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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