I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry my hands just texted you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
